Culture Shock

Childhood and Imagination

2012-02-02T09:15:00.001+09:00

This week, my studies on children's literature, imagination and the way that fairy tales and fantasy appeal to young minds has really brought me back to my own childhood. Both folktale and more recent fantasy are so powerful because they speak to the basic human desires, fears, dreams and hopes.Things that were magical to me as a child still hold a sort of awe for me now. Over the holidays, my sister and I were walking behind a little boy holding his dad's hand. His dad was urging him to go faster, but no matter what he said, the boy wouldn't hurry up. Maybe his father didn't realize what we did: on the path of irregular-shaped stones, the boy was staying on his tiptoes in order to avoid stepping on the cracks. One of the books I read for this course is "Jacob Two-Two Meets the Hooded Fang." It is a hilarious book making fun of adults from a child's perspective. The notorious and scary Hooded Fang's true colors are shown when little six year old Jacob declares: "The proof is, whenever he struts across the prison yard, grunting and growling, he is careful not to step on the cracks!" And with that, empties the Hooded Fang's pockets of jelly beans, pebbles, beach glass, a ball of string, and gum. This so cleverly depicts that mystery around childhood and how all of us are still children at heart.

Today, I spent time with a few children that gave me equal joy in the power of imagination and being reminded of what it feels like to be a child. One of these new friends is Emmy, a six year old girl who lives next door. I have seen her go from never speaking to me to having outrageous conversations with me. When I first met her, she never spoke and never smiled, no matter how much I prompted her. However, I've visited every week this year and have seen her come more and more out of her shell. She now greets me with a big smile and a bunch of giggles. She is full of stories for me, but they are always in her quiet, gentle voice. I went with her and her mom to the grocery store, and while her mom did her own shopping, Emmy insisted on coming with me. She wheeled my little cart for me as I grabbed what I needed from the shelf. "Look!" She exclaimed, pointing at the wall. "A BIG milk." And so there was a huge picture of milk posted on the wall. "Must be for a giant," I commented. "Like me."
"Noooo!" She exclaimed, and burst into adorable giggles. Later, her mom dropped us off and we ran in together to grab something. She reached to grab my hand, and my heart melted. "What is the firetruck doing at the grocery store?" I exclaimed.
"Maybe they need to be groceries," she so innocently pointed out.
"What? Firemen have to eat?" I asked. Later on, we actually saw the firemen walking out of the store with bags of groceries, and we both laughed at our inside joke.

Emmy and her equally adorable and mischievous little brother, Easton. (I'll tell you about him later!)

My other friend's name is Victoria. While Emmy is a beautiful little Chinese girl with dark, sparkling eyes, Victoria is a Russian blue-eyed, blonde bombshell with freckles and an extremely outgoing personality. You can just tell she has an incredible imagination. She loves princesses and pop stars. My arrival at her house is often the beginning of many performances of headstands, pop song solos and dance routines. Today we quietly played in her room, coloring in her book and talking. I asked her about her bath routine, and she told me: "I only take baths on Sundays before the school week starts. When I take a bath, I pretend I'm a mermaid in the ocean. I pretend my barbies are mermaids too."
"Oh, can your barbies go under water?" I asked.
"Yes, but they get bubbles in their armpits," she told me matter-of-factually. I snorted with laughter and she looked delighted with having made me laugh.
"I see. And the rest of the week you take showers?" I asked.
"Yes," she replied, "When I take a shower I imagine I'm standing under a water fall, or sometimes that I have to water all the flowers."
Victoria doesn't seem to be intimidated that I'm an adult. Maybe it's because I'm really a child. We talk heart to heart in her room like the best of friends, and she brings me into her world. It's amazing.

I don't even know how to convey to you what a gift children are from God. Just the joy I experience when I can be a role model and influence in children's lives is so obviously from my Father. For me, children are one of the strongest reminders in my life of what God's love for us is like. God's heart is exploding with love for you the way that my heart tenderly loves these little ones. And He is working in your life and patiently waiting for you to come to Him.

The joy of the Lord is our Strength

2012-01-30T08:30:00.000+09:00

I was thinking about what I wrote in my last post. I've recently shared the convictions I felt after hearing this man speak with several people. I am still feeling horror at how he told us these people were killed. This woman, a Muslim who had chosen to follow Jesus, was being tortured to recant her faith in Christ. After they cut off fingers and toes, and she was barely alive, she still absolutely refused. That's how much she was in love with Jesus, and committed to him no matter what. There are stories like this all over. People coming from Islam find Jesus and the hope and joy that he offers, and they wouldn't even dream of renouncing him. He gave them their lives back. In my last post, I shared that this scared me-a lot.

Before I went to Pakistan, I wrestled with the idea of being persecuted and suffering for my faith. It was a huge fear that I was too nervous to voice with other people, thinking that they were too mature to have fears like that. However, in the one situation where there was a threat (very minimal), all I could think of was to be obedient and wise (covering our faces to blend in) and trust God. "If I die, I die." That year I also went through tremendous emotional pain. And the time I spent with God during that time was so incredibly sweet.

It's amazing how this photo captures the amazing joy of the Lord that I experienced in Pakistan!

Another painful time in my life was last March. I cried out to God, asking why He let this happen to my beloved people, and when the earthquakes wouldn't stop, I often wondered if we'd live out the year. Again, days of listening to comforting and encouraging music, drinking tea and just talking to God. God seemed so real and close. That time, though painful, is precious to me.

I wrote about the Koreans who were held in captivity in Afghanistan, and how they now miss that time, because of the intimacy they experienced with God. So, even though the thought of what happened to people coming to know the Lord in Egypt scares me, in part I'm a little envious. I'm envious of the strength of their commitment to God, and the intimacy they experience with their Savior through persecution.

Praise the God who is the answer to all our questions, who is worth giving up everything to follow.

Divine Connections

2012-01-27T14:37:00.000+09:00

Kind of cool God moment just now.
A few nights ago, my phone started ringing. I thought it was the alarm so I reached over to turn it off and get ready when I realized it was only 4:41 AM and it was actually a call from a friend in Pakistan who I hadn't heard from for months. I shut my phone, turned off the sound and went back to sleep. As I rolled over to go back to sleep, something a friend once said to me was ringing in my ear.
"We think we have rights. We think it is totally acceptable to turn someone down when they call on us too early or too late. We want to serve God, but only on our timing, when it is convenient for us. We have it all wrong. We are to serve God whenever and wherever He calls us. We have no rights."

That is a bit of a paraphrase, as it was said to me more than a year ago. I felt an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I didn't get up or call my friend back. However, I couldn't get back to sleep. I just laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. I would have completely forgotten about it...

This evening I was sick of homework and didn't really feel like doing anything. I decided to put on a Francis Chan podcast, since it has been so long since I've listened to something convicting like that. The podcast I was listening to was talking about how most Christians don't actually want to become like Jesus, when the rubber hits the road.

Oh, man. So, on Tuesday we had a guest speaker from an Arabic church in Calgary. He has an amazing and wild story about the way Christ saved him from being a violent terrorist, and then as a convert from Islam, he was sentenced to death. On the day that he was to be executed, Gaddafi invaded Sudan. He also told us horrible things about what has been done-recently-to those who turn from Islam to follow Christ in places like Egypt and Sudan. Things I won't even repeat here because they were too terrible. I'll be honest. I felt very afraid, as I have many times in considering if God will ask me to be a martyr someday. Nope, don't want to be like Jesus in that way, I guess. Does anyone really want THAT part of becoming like Jesus. 1 John 2:6 "Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did."

As Francis talked about the fact that we need to follow Jesus' example of being humble servants, laying down our rights for others, I realized that I needed to call my friend. Like, now. So, I did. I'm so glad-no, nothing is wrong and we didn't have any deep spiritual conversation. But we reconnected in a meaningful way, and I realized that this is a relationship that I need to keep alive and nurture. This is someone I need to keep praying for and encouraging.

If you want to watch the sermon, it is here. The part that talks about this starts in around 15:00.

I'll have a grande, extra hot cup of joy, please...

2012-01-13T12:48:00.000+09:00

Before I left for Japan, I was thinking a lot about social injustice and living for the Kingdom. I bought Christmas presents from www.thehungersite.com so that my purchasing could benefit those who really need it. I looked at the newsletters from International Justice Mission. And then...I just stopped caring. It was kind of sudden, too. Maybe I thought that Christmas was an excuse to indulge myself a little. (Since when was Christmas about that?) I indulged in overeating and overspending, and started ignoring my conscience when it protested. Interestingly enough, the more I indulged, the more I neglected my relationship with God, the more this hole of dissatisfaction in my heart grew. I became pretty miserable. I wanted to just keep filling the hole with more stuff. The whole time I knew what was going on, but I made the decision to ignore what I knew I should do, which was renew my perspective of God's Kingdom by repenting and spending time with Him. Instead, I became bitter, angry and afraid to come back to God. The wall just kept getting bigger. The funny thing is, you can dread coming before God, and as soon as you do, you wonder what you dreaded so much. I was immediately filled with peace and comfort when I asked for God's forgiveness, and a strength and will to start living for Him again filled me. However, the dissatisfaction and lack of joy were still there.

This morning the shame was back, though, and I wrote in my journal: God, please don't give up on me. I know that You who began a good work in me will carry it onto completion until the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I felt like I would have to work on finding joy. I don't know why. This is what happened in the next few hours.

I had volunteered to be the storyteller in the daycare program inside of a large Bible study for women that meets at a church close to my house. As soon as I arrived, I heard Japanese being spoken. I followed the women and hung up my coat at the same place as them, and struck up a conversation. Turns out one of the women is the pastor's wife over at Japanese Gospel Church and only arrived in Canada in November. She was thrilled to meet me and eagerly invited me over for supper soon.

Many of my Friday ESL students also attend this Bible study. Many of them ran up to me and gave me a big hug to welcome me back. I also saw several dear women that I deeply admire and love, who I haven't seen for a long time. It was really refreshing to catch up with them.

I went into each classroom and spent some time playing with the kids before starting a time of singing and story telling. The storytelling, acting, sound effects and voices just were so naturally and flowing, and the kids just really responded and interacted with the story. I had some amazing conversations with hilarious and brilliant 2, 3, 4 and 5 year olds.

In the middle of that, I ran into the one of the maintenance guy who works at the church. I've gotten to know him a little through the events I help with at Foothills. He' s studying English and having a hard time understanding Canadians at the speed they speak. We had a good conversation about that, and he said he was glad he could practice English with me.

My friend and neighbor, Xiawei, was at the Bible study with her two kids, who are absolutely amazing. Her daughter used to say nothing to me because she was so shy. She now talks my ear off. Her little brother, Easton, is a one year old who acts like a little adult, but can't actually speak words. Xiawei offered to treat me to lunch after the Bible study. We had a big adventure at a Chinese restaurant, which included a few broken cups, a bowl of extremely spicy soup, and a few squirmy kids.

I just came away from this morning feeling absolutely elated. I just stopped mid-morning as I thought about what God was bringing my way, and how he was filling me with joy.

A Summary

2012-01-13T12:37:00.000+09:00

Well, I definitely expected to do more blogging over the holidays about my time in Japan. I kept seeing beautiful things that I wanted to put into poetry, but I guess time got away from me. Time doing what, I'm not really sure. A couple days before New Years, we took the bus to a mall about 30 minutes away. There were sidewalk vendors with last minute sales and middle aged ladies rummaging through piles of sale items: watches, sweaters, belts. We passed a make-shift florist working out of his truck, wrapping pine branches in newspaper and selling them to customers to hang on their front door. I guess there is something really beautiful or mysterious or magical about a culture that you don't fully understand. What they take for granted is fascinating and wonderful to me.

It reminds me of my fascination with Amy Tan's depiction of Chinese culture; I read a lot of her books when I was in high school. I still enjoy re-reading "The Bone Setter's Daughter" once in a while. The way she so beautifully illustrates the normal and even the ugly aspects of that culture really inspired me to write about the cultures that I live in.

Of course, there were many reminders that all is not well. Once again I was extremely aggravated by the amount of porn just openly available to men, who read the stuff in the store and on the train in the full sight of everyone. I get really angry when I see that. I get angry at the men and I get angry at the society that thinks its normal for men to have this unrealistic ideal of sex and then everyone wonders why divorce and unhappy marriages are common. Again, I don't want to be ethnocentric or say that this foreign culture is inferior; for one thing, I consider Japan to be my culture in many ways. For another, all cultures have these problems but they come out in different ways. The sex obsession I've observed has got me thinking about the social injustice happening in Japan, and how little we think of it. How many Filipina sex workers are in Japan against their will? How many Japanese businessmen go to places like Cambodia for sex tourism? Part of me doesn't even want to know the answers to these questions.

A visit with a friend

2012-01-13T11:31:00.000+09:00

I didn't have a lot of time or energy to write about my adventures in Japan. But now I want to write while I still remember.
5 years ago, I met my friend when I started teaching her 2 year old daughter in Kachidoki. She had moved away, and is now back. This was my first time to see her in 5 years, and the adorable 2 year old is now a lovely 7 year old girl, and has a 2 year old brother-cute as a button. Despite the fact that Asuka wouldn't remember me, she had obviously been anticipating my visit. Both her and her brother came to greet me at the elevator, and were visibly excited but unsure what to do. When I came inside, they got more comfortable with me and started chatting my ear off. Half the time I wondered what they were saying; particularly the 2 year old. "We have a vegetable garden," Asuka proudly told me. "But Yukihiro doesn't eat vegetables." Asuka took me by the hand and lead me across the room to a chair, and pushed in my chair. After ascertaining that I must be cold, she found a blanket and laid it across my lap. She then played the piano for me-several beautiful pieces that I was really impressed with. Meanwhile, Yukihiro solemnly passed out cakes to the imaginary guests at the table (and me), telling each one "here you go."
Once we were all sitting down at the table with our tea and cakes, Yukihiro asked me to open everything for him. Asuka watched me the whole time. At one point I had trouble opening my cake, and Asuka commented to her mom, "she's having trouble opening the package. Shouldn't you help her?" My friend and I both laughed and I joked "Help, mom, open this!" Asuka curiously looked at us both and asked "aren't you the same age?" My friend really laughed at this and commented on how much younger I was.
My friend offered to give me a massage. This was kind of surprising to me; it isn't a very Japanese thing to offer. However, my friend lived in the States for a while and is more open than many Japanese I know. We discussed the pros and cons of the pressure of Japanese society, and how she wished that some things could change. Anyways, her massage was sort of spiritual I think. She massaged and then held her hand over me to "suck out" the pain I think. I was really confused. She remained casual and chatted as she worked. At one point, Asuka came over to see the progress. With alarm, she pointed out that my skin had turned quite red. This is very normal for me, seeing as I am a very white person. However, both Asuka and her mom were startled by the redness and asked if it would bruise later. I giggled and said "of course not!"
At the end of my visit, Asuka came down the elevator to see me off and to buy an ice cream promised by her mom. I went with her to buy ice cream and then started following her toward the door to see her get back inside. Asuka became very concerned. "Do you know where you live?"
"Yes, I live really close."
"What train station?"
"No, I'll just walk. I live near Triton Square. You can go in now."
"Oh, I know how to get there. See that convenience store? You have to cross the street and then keep going towards it and over the bridge and you'll get to Triton Square." I marveled at this confident 7 year old girl giving me directions.
"Oh...yeah. Well, thanks! See you."
"Go that way, ok? Yeah, that way." She kept pointing and looked very worried that I would get lost.
As I walked away, she shouted "Bye! Bye! Bye!" and waved. I turned around every few steps to wave again. I was 20 feet away and turned to see if she had gone. She was still standing there waving.

Family

2012-01-01T17:32:00.000+09:00

Market

2012-01-01T17:30:00.003+09:00

Finding God in the mountains

2012-01-01T13:08:00.002+09:00

Walking along the river at sunset, finding a waterfall in the forest...this is where I find God.

Old Japan

2012-01-01T13:06:00.003+09:00

I love traveling to the Japanese country side and seeing old buildings and traditions that have held for hundreds of years. There is a mysterious quality about these things...

Smiles

2012-01-01T12:03:00.001+09:00

Here are a few of my favorite photos from the Children's Christmas Party:

The Naked Truth about Onsen

2011-12-31T13:32:00.000+09:00

Sometimes when I talk to North Americans about Japanese public bathhouses, or sento/ onsen, they look at me like I've grown an extra arm. Ok, I admit it is a little intimidating. Being naked with a bunch of your own people would be weird enough, but being the only white person in a crowd of naked Japanese is hard to get used to. But so worth it.

The other night my family made our annual expedition to an inn perched on a hilltop in Chichibu. The public ofuro, or bath, is partially indoor and partially outdoor, with a steaming hot bath that overlooks a sparkling city below in the middle of fresh cold mountain air. Poor dad is all by himself on the men's side, while the four of us girls sit in the hot water for hours and giggle about this and that.

The view from our little hotel room...far above the city. And a similar view from the ofuro.

Our family in cozy hotel-provided yukata and hanten, ready to do some serious soaking.

I really think that the onsen is one of the places in which the Japanese people will open up the most. Last year I was in Tohoku cleaning up the area, and in the evening we took our sweaty, tired selves to the nearest onsen for a good soak. Complete strangers sitting in the bath with us would ask where we were from and what we were doing. In return, we could ask if their families were okay and hear their stories. These people came regularly to the same onsen. If we had stayed in Tohoku and continued going to the onsen, we definitely would have formed relationships with the women we met. One of the guys on my team made a decision to follow Christ at the onsen because they had such a good chance to hear others' stories and talk about it.

When you consider those facts, maybe we should frequent onsens more often and intentionally develop relationships with the regulars there. God expands his Kingdom in interesting ways.

Christmas in Japan

2011-12-26T19:26:00.000+09:00

Christmas in Japan.
Where do I begin?

The crisp, cool air as we ride over the bridge over the sparkling river.
The smell of fresh croissants filled with chocolate and served with fancy lattes in the mall.
Little side streets filled with clutter from old shops and houses that are falling apart.
Evenings in our apartment eating popcorn and watching "Miracle of 34th Street."
Young, fashionable mothers carrying a baby in front, with two toddlers in tow.
The taste of hot pot (sukiyaki) after coming home from a cold and tiring day.
Energy filled Christmas parties in our rented room, complete with cookie decorating, crafts, and snacks.
Old crinkled ladies hunched over, slowly walking right in the middle of the road, with no space to pass them.
Listening to Christmas tapes from my childhood: Boney M, Mannheim Steamroller, Harry Belafonte.
Noisy grocery stores with vendors loudly proclaiming their wares: special Christmas creme caramel, spicy Korean kimchi, special New Year's treats.
Crowded malls filled with young couples holding hands, running toddlers, middle aged ladies.
Cute little stores with French names playing soothing Christmas jazz and selling brightly colored kitchen utensils and lacy trinkets.
Eating turkey on the same plate as fish egg, potato and cucumber salad, rice balls and cold Japanese tea.
Sharing Christmas day with beloved Japanese brothers and sisters in Christ.

It's back...

2011-12-26T18:46:00.000+09:00

Language is a funny thing. The way my brain has been disconnected from Japanese for 6 months and is all too quickly forced to remember everything...in the Vancouver airport, I wait for my flight to Narita as Japanese chatter fills the air around me.

I soak a little in, remember a word here and there. It feels strange to hear certain words.
We step off the plane and get ushered into a line for foreign passports once we reach Tokyo. I'm prepared, yet not. I approach the immigration officer's box and he quickly flips through my passport and decides to address me in Japanese.

And it's like something dead in me is immediately risen to life; my mouth speaks the words I need without my brain's consent. It's a wonderful feeling. The sentence easily rolls out of my mouth and he ushers me along.

The next few days pass like that: after a word has passed from my tongue, I realize I knew how to say that word all along.

At the children's Christmas party, I start to direct the children in the craft. As I do so, more and more vocabulary comes out of nowhere. In this case, the language necessary is ingrained in my mind after working at a preschool and observing my Japanese coworkers' way with children. "Don't touch that," and "please listen" come naturally to me.
If only I could explain to my Japanese friends what I've been studying for the past 6 months; that would really be a miracle.

Some of the beautiful children at the Kid's Christmas Party!

Kaya

2011-11-22T01:57:00.001+09:00

Last year, I had the privilege to go to Singapore with my family. It was there that I experienced the culinary wonders of "kaya toast." A slice of bread, cut into two thinner pieces, toasted and two large slabs of butter placed on top to melt right away. On top of that goes kaya, a green jam made from coconut, egg, sugar, and a Asian plant called pandun. To go with this amazing snack, one must have a soft boiled egg and a cup of strong Singaporean coffee with lots of sweetened condensed milk.

Recently I was at church thinking about how delicious kaya is, and then remembered that most people at my church are originally from Singapore, so they'd know exactly what I was talking about. So I turned to the adorable lady sitting next to me and said, "you know what I'd really love to eat right now?"

Jamie is one of the most beautiful people I know. When I'm around her, my heart seriously wants to burst because she is so caring. She also has cancer, and all her hair has fallen out from treatment. Despite this, I don't think I've met anyone with a more cheerful attitude. She's usually the one encouraging me! She recently decided, with her husband, to be a follower of Jesus. It has been a very short time since that decision; in our small group prayer times she prays with conviction and faith. Her life is such a testimony to God's glory.

Jamie looked surprised for a minute and then got a big smile. "Ohh, yes. Kaya toast, with a nice BIG cup of Singaporean coffee", she reminisced with me. I reveled in this shared moment together, and then forgot about it. She didn't.

Yesterday I saw Jamie walk into church with her husband and daughter, and went over to give her a hug. They all grinned at me and Jamie held out a bag with a big smile on her face. "Something for you!" she exclaimed. I tried to think of what would be just for me. Inside the bag was a package wrapped in green tissue paper and with a card that read "God has answered your cravings." I could not believe it. They had been at T&T and happened to see that they sold kaya. I got really excited and the whole family laughed at me. Later I got home, made some toast with margarine, slathered it with kaya, and thanked God for Jamie.

2011-11-20T14:24:00.000+09:00

Just let this beautiful song speak to your heart.

Spiritual Riches

2011-11-13T04:13:00.002+09:00

It's funny how certain phases in my life bring inspiration to write, and other times there is nothing. The past few months I have been very distracted from my heavenly focus and have become obsessed with what I want and don't have, ex: the degree I need to get into a Bachelor of Education. I've done a lot of moping about how lonely I am even though I don't make a lot of effort to meet new people at school. I have allowed myself to be lukewarm; half-hearted in how I seek God and His Kingdom, putting Him on a to-do list.

This week I was praying and feeling very tired and I just wanted to quit. Then a phrase I saw on someone's facebook page a long time ago popped into my mind: "Be the kind of person who, when you wake up in the morning, Satan groans and says: Damn! she's awake." Or something like that. A force to be reckoned with. A prayer warrior who makes war on the kingdom of darkness.I became more motivated in my praying life. I found the prayer resource for unreached nations that I mentioned in the past post that really gave new life to the way I prayed for God's Kingdom to come. I became more determined; even though I know how this ends, I can be a part of Christ winning this battle.

Usually when I lose my desire to be radical it has to do with materialism. Last year in Japan I was constantly surrounded by the temptation to shop, enjoy coffee shops and other luxuries. This year has been much more secluded from those things and lonely. One weekend I felt incredibly lonely and just felt attacked by Satan; my room was literally a prison. The only thing I wanted to do was sleep. But I sought out God and He gave me freedom from oppression, even though the problem I was dealing with did not get any better. (Does this not sound like a modern Psalm?)

I started reading "The Purpose Driven Life" again, which really changed my life in high school. This time it seems simpler and more obvious, but yesterday I was struck by the idea that our life is a test and a trust given to us by God. This point, which I have not considered at all, stuck out to me so clearly: when we trust in/are untrustworthy with our material riches here on earth, we are limiting ourselves from spiritual riches/blessing. I have struggled with (as you have read on my blog) the way I spend my money and how little I can do to help the world with my finances. But the concept that my focusing on earthly riches limits me from spiritual riches had not occurred to me. How I've been longing for spiritual richness recently; more of the Holy Spirit, awareness of God's presence, understanding of the depth and riches of His love, more direction and clarity, more joy and power.....

In a sermon titled "Falling in Love with God," Francis Chan quite passionately says to his congregation: "If you really understood the love of God, if you knew the riches of being in fellowship with Him, you'd look at your stuff and go 'I don't care, you can take it all!'" I long for that. An important theme of late for me is that the poor are spiritually rich. And the rich are spiritually poor. We are missing out on so much because we let the world mean to much to us.

I think I mentioned this before, but Francis Chan talks about a conversation with the Korean believers who were kidnapped by the Taliban. They are back in Korea now, and they so often say to each other "don't you miss the way it felt, the intimacy we had with Christ when we were in captivity?" This story makes me want to cry, because we are so obviously missing the point. We shouldn't run away from suffering, but allow it to come and change us; for God to use the pain to
transform us into His likeness. I know I can say that now, when life is just blah. I look at my posts during the earthquakes in Japan and how scary it was, yet how close I was to God.

Don't settle. Seek spiritual riches in His Kingdom.

Conversations with God...

2011-11-10T14:21:00.002+09:00

In my year in Pakistan, I was able to encourage believers in their faith. But I wish I'd the language capabilities to interact with Muslims about their faith, what they believe and why, and how they experience God. I had the chance to do that this evening. There is a beautiful family from Afghanistan that attends an ESL class that I help teach. There are two older boys and a girl, all with long eyelashes and incredibly sweet dispositions. From their adoring looks I guess they're pretty fond of me, too. Their mother, a soft spoken woman, is beautiful. The first week when I met her and her children, she looked so pleased that I liked her children so much.

This week, I got to hear more of her story. She told me about how it felt when the Taliban came to her house and took her husband while the rest of the family hid in the basement, cowering in fear. They took him and other men to a house where they just kept them for 2 days and then they returned to their homes. She told me that women could never go out, and if they ever did, it must be with a man. The family fled by truck to the mountains that separate Afghanistan and Pakistan, and would be left to climb over the mountain and find a truck on the other side, all with her two small sons in tow. They finally reached Pakistan, where they lived for 3 years. Zara proudly calls herself "the only Pakistani in the family."

In Canada, she doesn't wear any head coverings, unless she's praying or going to the mosque. I asked her about that and we started getting into spiritual matters. She said it was sometimes difficult to pray 5 times a day. I agreed but then I observed that it is nice to be reminded so many times that I should talk to God. I shared that I am a follower of Jesus, and praying is so important to me. She agreed that it is good to have times to be reminded to pray, and I asked her if she enjoyed talking to God and if she found it easy. "It's interesting," she said. "When I talk to God I feel so happy." I agreed that talking to God brings peace and joy, and gives us a new perspective. She started to share a very difficult time that she went through in the last year, and how she cried out to God in that year, and tears started pouring down her face. I wanted to cry with her. But I agreed that it seemed that in our darkest times, God seemed nearest. Maybe it is because we lose everything and become desperate for God. She seemed surprised and asked how I had experienced God in dark times. I shared that in painful times in my life, I've known God's presence and His peace.

You know, I was so happy to hear that she has experienced God. That God answers her prayers. I listened to a podcast by Francis Chan, who is one of my heroes, but in this sermon he shared something I wasn't sure about. He shared that he sat next to a Muslim man and they compared the way that they communicated with God. Francis had many ways in which God spoke to him and had answered prayers, and the Muslim man said he did too, and Francis was surprised. The interesting thing is, this man admitted a few minutes later that it was not true. He had not experienced God answering prayer.

But these people know God and talk to Him, and they love Him with all their hearts. In His answering their prayers, He can draw them nearer to knowing His Son. This is my prayer for my beautiful friend today, that she will see the Kingdom. Please join me in praying in the Kingdom-in Calgary and in the world.

And join me in praying through this incredible prayer resource, which has not only reminded me to pray for the unreached, but stirred up my passion for the North American church to pray and serve.

2011-10-04T00:03:00.003+09:00

John 12:24-26 (The Message)
Jesus: "Listen carefully. Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds onto life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal. If any of you wants to serve me, then follow me. Then you'll be where I am, ready to serve at a moments notice. The Father will honor and reward anyone who serves me."

Are we holding onto life just as it is? And how much are we missing out on?

"Are you willing to give up everything for the only One who matters?"

Pray BIG

2011-09-26T08:52:00.001+09:00

Lately, spending time with God in the morning has been such an exciting and wonderful thing to look forward to. I was frustrated recently with myself-I was overly annoyed with people and being mean and judgmental in my heart for basically no reason. I was also overtired and overwhelmed because school just started and my house was a mess because of my unorganization. I found a corner of the library with sun shining into it and just laid all these things out before God as well as requests for things He's put on my heart recently, like the victims of sex trafficking and slave labor, and for the people of Japan. I recently printed off this Overview for Praying for Japan: http://asianaccess.org/opportunities/pray-japan.html.

God gave me an amazing peace as I remembered that He is bigger than any of these things, but also as I focused on the needs He'd placed on my heart, my perspective was enlarged once again. I have found such joy just in praying "Let your Kingdom come...." and praying for His Kingdom to come in specific places, people and ways. I like how the above link says "Ask BIG; base your prayers on His greatness. May He enlarge your heart for Himself and the world."

A friend this week commented that she was frustrated by prayer meetings because they prayed "small." Someone's job, someone's house. These are legitimate needs, but let's look outside ourselves to the needs around the world. Maybe God is showing you how to cling completely to Him without that job or selling that house. Maybe He's giving you a heart for the injustice, the poor and the unreached in your community this way. I encourage you to pray big.

Next weekend my mom and some very dear friends from the Japanese Christian community are travelling up to Tohoku to encourage and listen (as I mentioned in a previous post, this was an opportunity for many to share with my mom and for her to listen and show compassion and love to these hurting people.) Here's where you can pray BIG:

Pray for God to prepare the hearts of those in Tohoku right now who are hurting and feeling that they are without hope. Pray for those who are on the verge of just giving up.
Pray that the workers who are already there and the local churches up there would have direction and guidance from the Holy Spirit as they work, show God's love to these people, and share the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Pray for these women going up next week, that they would be empowered and filled with love and wisdom to know when to listen and when to encourage.
Pray that many Japanese Christians all over Japan would be ready to give up a weekend or something more important to go. We need them!
Pray for God's Spirit to pour all over Japan-not just Tohoku. That such a time as this would bring occasion for amazing conversations and for the church to be united in speaking the name of Jesus Christ in Japan and being a light.
Pray against a spirit of fear, of doubt, of hopelessness-for both believers and non-believers.

Lighten the load.....

2011-09-14T08:42:00.003+09:00

I still feel the way I did when I wrote that last entry, just a little more broken. I feel more frustrated than ever being unable to do anything where I am (no, not true. Prayer is a BIG BIG something)....and the appearance of no one caring. I say appearance because I know there are lots of you out there who care.

My mom shared with me about her recent experience up in Tohoku and how she ministered to people there through a BBQ in order for people to have a hot meal and fellowship. She talked about every person in Tohoku having a story and that they long to be heard. When they realized that she spoke Japanese, many people started to seek out my mom specifically to tell her their story. And some of the stories were agonizingly painful. She shared tears with many, particularly one women who had lost two children in the tsunami. When you meet someone who has experienced that and you picture what it must have been like, it is absolutely devastating- even for the listener. My mom shared with me that she wishes that by taking on people's burdens (for now she is in pain herself knowing these things) she could lighten their load.

Last week, I shared with a lady's Bible study some facts about the disaster and what is being done, and my own personal experience. I quickly became emotional, and I was embarrassed. But as I looked up around me, all of the women had teary eyes as well. It was like a balm to my soul to know that these women hurt for Japan, too and that it would cause them to pray.

I am quickly discovering that I have come to some phase in a grief cycle that involves a lot of emotion, particularly crying in inconvenient situations. Today, I went to the chapel at my university expecting the usual (being unable to focus on God and feeling distracted.) Then we started to sing this song:

He is jealous for me; love is like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy

But all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me

And OH, how He loves us so. Oh, how He loves us. How He loves us so.

There's more to the song but I'll just give you that much. Let me also just share that in His own way, God promised to meet with me soon. Well, I think He met with me in that song. I knew a new conviction of His deep love for me, and a new awareness of His Presence with me. But my voice started to trail off and I couldn't control the tears that were flowing as I thought about God's love for Japan. "Where was He?" I finally let myself ask, after all this time. So many are lost for eternity. So many suffer and don't see the point of going on with life, and I'll be honest-I can see their point of view; without Christ, what IS the point? The next song we sang had the chorus: "So Reign, please Reign in us....fill us like a flood and send us out so the world may know You Reign in us." I didn't get through that one either.

I don't ever want to make this about me-because I know nothing. I look at the Christ followers who were there when it happened and are still there, daily facing struggles and serving with all their hearts. Local churches and missionaries who are living out that song "fill us like a flood and send us out, so the world may know You reign in us!" But it's not even about them. It's about our Cornerstone.
So what I want to say in the end about all of this is that as I sat there in chapel, my heart breaking again for Japan and praying for the Spirit to move hearts there in the brokenness....I wanted someone to hear my story and share my pain with me. I wanted to break other people's hearts for Japan. In fact, hearing discussions among my peers about trivial and unimportant things, I wanted to shake them. My attitude is wrong and judgmental, I know. Especially because I've been there. But my life-every moment-is being permeated with this urgency....that we must not waste a moment. There are people dying and starving who have never met HIM.

This is going longer than I meant to, and I definitely don't want to be preachy, but I think the West is due for some shaking, and it's already started. This past year we've seen more natural disasters than we have for years. I pray they shake us up and make us look at what is eternally important. I have had dreams about earthquakes and disasters in Canada (but that might just be me trying to relate two experiences.) We need to be ready for anything, and I want to be serving Him when He returns.

Time to shape up.

2011-09-10T12:54:00.001+09:00

It's time to shape up. I'm tired of settling for the norm, the ho-hum, the "everyone does it." I can't be content with the comfortable life while they live "hell on earth." I'm ready to be a radical, to follow my best example, and He laid down His life. I'm done with spending money on the world's treasures and being sold on the world's fascinations. I refuse to look at those in need and quickly forget. I'm exchanging this "I'll be nice when I feel like it" attitude for a "love them more than myself" one, no matter what it takes. It means getting my hands dirty washing other people's feet. Prayer is no longer a first resort; it needs to be my first thought. It's not about me, or what they think, but how You lived. I'm ready to be a mover and a shaker, to rustle some feathers and question some boundaries. I want to count the cost and pay the suffering to know You intimately. I'm aware of the filth that I keep allowing in; that You died for me to clean me up. And in my many many weaknesses, Your strength blazes through.

Finding joy in suffering!!!

2011-09-08T12:45:00.001+09:00

This clip illustrates what I've been struggling with recently and in the past few blog posts. I love the fact that Francis Chan is not ashamed to cry. In fact, I feel emotionless and cold that I don't cry more often when I think about what goes on around me. When I read his book and listen to these talks, I feel like there has been a longing in me or a feeling that something is wrong, and this is what it is. And ironic that I was just saying that I sort of miss the fear, because it brought me closer to Jesus...which is exactly what these Koreans were saying except I'm sure it was way more intense and wonderful fellowship with God. No wonder they missed that. How much are we missing???

On a lighter note...

2011-09-08T00:49:00.001+09:00

I think I've mentioned before that I have a hard time balancing my enjoyment of the simple pleasures in life with the fact that people are suffering all over the world. Like I've previously mentioned, Crazy Love has shown me that the radical life that Jesus lived and showed us to live is not the way I've been living. I have allowed my heart to be numbed to the fact that (for example:) while millions are starving and suffering with AIDS and other diseases in the Horn of Africa right now, I can justify my "need" for an expensive Starbucks drink or some fancy gadget. How does that make sense to anyone? This has shaken me and caused me to spend a lot more time praying that I'd stop living a lukewarm life.....
This is not what I was planning on writing about when I started this entry. I actually wanted to give you a really great recipe....
So I guess maybe my thinking is that I seriously need to rethink the way I live and think regarding the Kingdom, but at the same time God has blessed us with small pleasures....(like lying in the grass on a warm labor day and enjoying being with friends!)
A few weeks ago I had a get together to celebrate a dear friend's upcoming wedding and I made macaroons from this Martha Stewart recipe (super easy!!!) and they were so wonderful and just look at those colors. I made them with chocolate ganache filling and put some seedless raspberry jam in the ganache....heavenly. I mean it; I'm sure that is what we'll be eating up there. With no guilt.

They go really great with an Earl Grey tea latte....

So as you can probably see, I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how this all works. I believe God gave us beauty and art and enjoyment of life for a reason, but I also believe that we need to be obedient and live radically instead of hoarding this wealth for ourselves.

learning from the past, praying for the future

2011-08-30T00:23:00.000+09:00

It has been strange adjusting to a country with solid ground. Recently I have been able to share with a few more people what has been happening back in Japan and what it felt like at the time. People ask if I was at all scared. All I have to do is look back on these old blog entries to remember how afraid I actually was. But it was that fear that caused me to look at God with completely different eyes. For the first time, I really grasped how uncertain and fragile life is. How our lives are little blips in the canvas of eternity. It reminds me of music that I listened to and felt deeply; for me it was J.J. Heller, Twila Paris, Beckah Shae. It reminds me of how dark the world seemed, and God's light and beauty was blinding to me.

I don't miss the fear, but I miss the closeness with the Father I knew then. I am ashamed of how quickly I have turned back to my old ways, thinking that life is all about me.
I'm reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I've been wanting to forever and I finally got to it. He talks about how we are like extras in a long movie where we have half a second of screen time and still think the movie is about us. So true.
Since all that happened in March, especially seeing people love everything, including lost ones....I have really questioned the way I live. Is every moment glorifying to God? After all, that's all that will matter in the end. And when I know that people are living in poverty because I've seen it with my own eyes, can I really justify living a selfish, materialistic life style? Something interesting that caught my attention in Chan's book is his wife's grandmother. He describes her as a woman completely in love with and obsessed with Jesus. He talks about once taking her to see a play, and during the intermission, he asked her what she thought of it. "Oh honey, I don't really want to be here right now. I just don't know if this is where I want to be when Christ returns. I'd rather be helping someone or on my knees praying. I don't want Him to return and find me sitting in a theater." (Crazy Love, 142) That response shocks and humbles me. I often say that enjoying things that God gives us like theater, art and music are a part of our worship and enjoyment of the beauty that He has created. I still feel that way. But what an amazing perspective from this woman: that Christ could come any minute, and we should be glorifying Him every moment.
Her comment also made me wonder if I am glorifying God and making Him a part of every facet of my life. Sometimes I give him most of the parts of my life, but when I spend too much money on something I don't need or have an inappropriate thought, I pretend He's not there.
I hope this encourages you as well, to examine your life and the things you do without including the Lord of your life.
Pray.
Please pray with me for those who still live in fear of more disasters, who have lost everything and are looking for Hope. Pray for those who are being used by God to reach out and give this amazing Message of the Hope Christ offers. Pray for organizations who are working incredibly hard to rebuild in the midst of desolation, and who are an example of Christ's love: organizations like Samaritan's Purse, Crash Japan, and United Japan. Pray for local churches who are being used in such a time as this to practice their faith and serve those around them. Pray for local believers and workers like my parents who offer a Message of hope and salvation to those in Tokyo who are uncertain and afraid. Pray that the Gospel will light a fire in hearts, and that the Kingdom of God will spread across Japan. Pray boldly and with assurance that this is God's will, and that He tells us to ask Him for these things.

exploring Toronto

2011-08-29T07:43:00.000+09:00

Chocolate key-lime pie, bubble tea, majong, St. Lawrence market. A very good day.

Stuck in a rut.

2011-08-18T22:06:00.000+09:00

Lately it seems like I’ve had a lot of conversations with people about their frustration with the way we “do church.” What I’ve especially been saddened by recently is that we are so limited in what we label as “worship.” I know that when people say that word, they mean more than just music at church, but sometimes it seems that we’ve made it only that.

I’m not here to condemn or complain. I’m just trying to voice what has been going on in my head and in some conversations recently. First of all, the “music at church” is a tiny aspect of a much larger topic: Worship and bringing glory to God with all I am. Second, the music at churches I’ve gone to recently has not helped bring me to a place of adoration or humility before my Creator-not at all. Not that it is the fault of the musicians, but I am just completely distracted by it all. Or maybe I just have a really bad attitude when I come to church.

Like I said, I’m not writing this to complain, but more to discuss and brainstorm. Music is a part of corporate worship, which is a small part of worship, which should be our life! My desire is to live out my life to honour and glorify my Creator and Best Friend. In a class at Ambrose, we learned that there are 8 main voices of worship or ways that we express ourselves to God.

Think about places or ways in your life that God has spoken or connected with you, or that you’ve felt adoration and gratitude. I find that I can best express to God my praise when I’m in a safe, beautiful and quiet place; maybe sitting near the grass in a backyard, or on my balcony in Tokyo.

Maybe you connect best with God when you’re deep in His Word, or some truth has really stood out to you. Maybe it is when you are having a conversation with someone and you really sense the Holy Spirit’s Presence and participation in the conversation. Perhaps when you are feeding someone in a homeless shelter or helping a child with her homework. Or maybe it is when you are painting, or listening to music, or playing an instrument. I think I connect with God in all of those ways.

So here's my question. We have such an amazingly creative God. He speaks to us in so many ways that it never gets boring. Since we’re human, we’re a bit limited, especially since we tend toward repetition in many things. But if our individual worship is so varied, why can’t our corporate worship (church) vary in style and medium?

One girl I shared this with, particularly my inclination toward being in nature when I pray, suggested a group nature walk in silence, with journaling and sharing included. I think this is a fantastic idea. Another idea that I’d really love to do in a corporate setting is have a screen with amazing pictures of nature, and play “nature” sounds: bird, insects, the wind in the trees, etc.

Someone else, who was frustrated with the way that the musical part of worship seems to be focused on the musicians, shared how the musicians could stand on either side of the congregation or behind them.

Indeed, in just the category of musical worship we are so limited. We stick to the same praise choruses in the same style; songs I’ve sung so many times that they are meaningless. We could use anything: Gregorian chants, instrumental or Celtic music and have a time of contemplation; old hymns, music written by people within the church to express themselves to God (that is where I would get weird, because I tend to make it about me. But that is my business with God)…etc.

Another idea is to get into small groups in the middle of the service and get to know each other, with or without an agenda, in order to love on each other and minister to each other. This can also be a time to discuss a passage of Scripture and how it applies to you or convicts your heart.

I'm starting to wonder-after so many conversations about this frustration with so many people-why aren't we changing? I don't currently have a church that I'm a part of, but I'd like to be a part of this change.

Walking in the past

2011-08-18T21:40:00.000+09:00

Laura's Birthday

2011-08-14T00:34:00.000+09:00

What a great day celebrating Laura's 21st. Lunch at Tony Roma's, picnic dinner by the lake with cousins, skipping stones, the splash pad for the kids, and of course to top it all off: ice cream at Circus, with flavors like Baileys, Campfire marshmellow, Cinnamon and Cappuccino! Happy Birthday, Laura. We love you.

Finding joy in life

2011-08-09T22:54:00.000+09:00

Camping at the Pinery...

2011-08-02T21:06:00.000+09:00

Our family usually misses out on this family camping trip, so we were glad to join this year. It's so fun to be able to see our cousin's kids and play at the beach, paint nails, and get lots of cuddling!

Just the boys...

2011-07-27T09:17:00.002+09:00

These are the three sons of my cousin, Beckie; Gavin, Gage and Nate Masse. They are so sweet and always making me laugh. We enjoyed a walk down the main street of Niagara-on-the-Lake and all the goodies that go with it!

St. Jacob's Farmer's Market

2011-07-25T10:22:00.002+09:00

One of the busiest places of the summer. I love the cultural diversity; there are Mennonites in caps and Muslims in hi-jabs peacefully selling their wares next to each other. We came home with our bags and our tummies full of all kinds of good things.

Together again!

2011-07-25T07:55:00.001+09:00

This year I get the best of both-no-all worlds! I was in Calgary for a few weeks after a dear friend's wedding, and now I'm in Ontario, reunited with my family in time for some relaxing and enjoying what an Ontario summer has to offer. So far that has included indulging in yummy food, and enjoying warm evenings on my grandfather's deck. I am also the proud owner of a new camera. I have a lot to learn, but I'm loving the process already! Here's a few of my favourites.

Stampeding

2011-07-16T05:05:00.002+09:00

Yee-haw! This past week I went to my very first Calgary Stampede. For the first time in my 5 years of living in Calgary, I felt inspired to buy a cowboy hat. I resisted.

For $15 entry fee, you can enjoy fabulous West-inspired art exhibitions, quilt and cake contest entries (the winner this year was a fabulous Harry Potter Daigon alley inspired cake!) You can experience biking while sitting on an exercise ball and get free samples of jam while you tour the many vendors selling their rare and sometimes peculiar wares in the BMO center. And, best of all, enjoy a fantastic combination of live rock music, acrobatics and figure skating in the Ice Show, which featured Canadian Olympians Jamie Sale and David Petalier.

And, for a price of epic proportions that may even include giving up your first-born, you can try delicacies of new gastronomic proportions, including a hamburger between 2 maple-glazed donuts, and deep-fried pop-tarts and cheesecake. Before you have digested your food, make sure that you get on a ride that really shakes you up; this one will cost you your college-tuition. Several rides that Sandra and I wanted to try-including the human sling-shot (basically being strapped into a small ball which slingshots into the air and comes back down) were at least $40!

Of the many vendors we saw, I really enjoyed this display: nature inspired photograph jewelery made in Vancouver called Black Drop Designs.

These are so pretty!